And Then There Were Sheep

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've become more sporadic with tales of my adventures. I wish I could say it's because I have been fighting pirates, flying planes around the world, and fitting hippos with tuxedos, but I have not been not. No, I have been distracted by much less exciting things: homework and course selection for next year. But I return to the interblogs with a vaguely complete account of the pirateless, planeless, and hippoless exploring I've done.

This weekend, my entire study group was carted off to the Lake District and Scotland via bus piloted by the slightly odd and slightly annoying Terry. I variously chose to call him Terrence and TerrBear, though he was not particularly aware of his nicknames just as he was not particularly aware that most of his commentary on the VAT refund and highway naming habits was unnecessary.

We set out Thursday and arrived in Grasmere. As it was late and I had eaten half a chunk of fish that had been all but injected with oil, exploring beyond the walls of the hotel was not on my agenda.

The next day we were off to Dove Cottage to see if we could be as inspired by daffodils as William Wordsworth. Wordsworth has never been my favorite romantic poet. I'm more of a fan of Percy Bysshe Shelley, mostly because he was such a fan of the ladies. But I will take this opportunity to instruct any of you that have not seen MC Nutz rapping "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud" to youtube that shit. I hope it doesn't spoil any of the mystery when I tell you that MC Nutz is a rapping squirrel.

Some friends and I headed into the village of Grasmere after Dove Cottage and stopped by Wordsworth's grave. Funnily enough, his is not the fancy one with the sheep carving. That's his daughter Dorothy's grave. She was, by all accounts, his favorite child. At least try and hide it a little, Will. Come on.

We had lunch in Grasmere and then got on the bus to head towards Helvellyn for a bit of a hike. Helvellyn has been made vaguely famous by various writers and painters (including Wordsworth) but we didn't have enough time to climb it, so we settled for climbing up to Red Tarn where we could get a view of the peak. On the way up, I spotted a lone sheep wandering the mountainside. I desperately wanted it to be my friend. She had other ideas and kept running away. I did get to see her stop and take a piss though, so I like to believe that makes us pretty close to friends. It's not love until you've seen someone pee, I always say.

Red Tarn offered us the opportunity to cool off our feet, though most of my classmates thought the water was too cold. As a native of the New Hampshire seacoast, I begged to differ and gratefully waded into the tarn before joining a few classmates who had enough energy to hike up one more ridge. It was definitely worth the extra climb for the staggering views.

We descended the mountain to meet an impatient Terry and climbed back on the bus for Edinburgh.

Saturday was spent wandering around Edinburgh. We began the day together on a bus tour, but soon got off to visit Edinburgh Castle. From the castle, I set out with my friend Amy to wander around Edinburgh. We found an awesome toy store and a market to have lunch in. In the afternoon we hopped back on the bus tour for a while until we came to the Museum of Childhood. The museum isn't huge but did manage to gather together the world's largest collection of creepy dolls.

This doll haunts my dreams.

Amy and I hiked up Calton Hill later in the afternoon to visit some of the monuments. After meeting a couple who asked to take a picture of them for Vogue, puzzling over a group of people dressed in red that appeared to be doing some sort of adventure yoga, and sharing an orange, Amy and I went to the Royal Botanical Gardens and then headed back to the hotel to meet our friends for dinner. I am proud to say that I did try a spot of haggis. It's not terrible but not terribly delicious either.

Sunday was mostly spent on a bus, trying to ignore Terry breathing into his microphone while I was trying to read, but we made it back to London in time to attend trivia. I am proud to state that though my team came in last as usual, I was able to earn us a point by knowing that the act of putting jewels and glitter on one's vagina is called Vajazzling. Because every once in a while my awkward knowledge just has to pay off.